how to handle arrogant colleague

+1 Just for " Schedule appointments with him rather than just walking up to him", I dont mind helping, but I need to allocate some time. Associate Registrar: Deborah Zinz It often comes from problems with self-esteem and self-worth. Five years ago, Jean Ritala was dating a businessman who started to demonstrate Jekyll and Hyde-like behavior. Psychologists who study personality traits say Modest people are not preoccupiedwith themselves; arrogant people have an inflated view of themselves.. Last Updated: June 4, 2023 An arrogant person may do their best to push your buttons and try to get under your skin. So what can you do about it? Im just taken aback by your ideas. :). always acting put out by assignments, responding to direct questions with annoyed-sounding monosyllabic answers, etc.). To learn how to argue effectively by staying on topic, keep reading! This has left me with no one to consult with from my colleagues. A Conscious Rethink is owned and operated by Waller Web Works Limited (UK Registered Limited Company 07210604), Copyright A Conscious Rethink. That may stem from a deeper place, like a parent that made them feel worthless or unworthy of love. For example, you might say, You probably think this is a silly idea, but we could approach this from a different angle. Then explain your new concept. Instead of terminating her, my colleague pulled the employee aside and asked about her behavior from a concerned point of view. You can only research the things that you know that you have to search, but you cannot search for something that you just ignored the existence. He does hate to deal with juniors. Rather than bothering them in an ad hoc manner, see if you can book a regular time or use email/chat. I thought he was abrasive. When you bring up a story, they will usually have their own story about how they did something bigger or better. You must be assertive. Just suck it up. Schedule appointments with him rather than just walking up to him. The most effective means of dealing with an arrogant person is to not deal with them at all. Make sure you let him know that you're not very experienced before he starts explaining. Know-it-alls have an innate need to be right. When he resorts to arrogance and sarcasm, courteously remove yourself from his presence. Did some research. You may be able to diffuse the senior dev's irritation by simply being honest: "Sorry, I know I don't have nearly as much experience as you and it's probably frustrating having to answer all of these questions. How to Handle Disrespectful and Arrogant Employees I'm currently working in a software company as a junior developer. They can be cruel and abusive to some co-workers, often targeting one person at a time until he quits. Look into your companys stance on the issue; it may have a zero-tolerance policy for behavior such as sarcasm and bullying. Set clear boundaries. They may also just try changing the subject when they get called out. How have you coped? In that scenario, the best thing to do is to keep it locked to business as much as possible. (Jens note: this one has a snarky side to it, but I couldnt resist including it! People are forgetful. To tell me the truth. When you argue with someone, you should remember to only attack that person's ideas, not the person themselves. To be honest, I was. If it's the first time dealing with it, then your questions would probably be low-level anyway, which means you're probably wasting his time. What if the perception of arrogance is merely a disguise of prejudice, as in the peers encouraged to Shut out the offender are of one race or age group, and dont have the cultural competence to deal with other cultures or social demographics. 9 Comebacks For Dealing With Arrogant People - Power of Positivity He didn't let me fail, he didn't let me hold myself to a lower standard. Now this all might sound pretty harsh. The expectations may be unrealistic. Lets end that conversation as rudely as the arrogant person started it. Passive-agressive individuals cultivate a toxic environment. It can be tempting to get your narcissistic boss on "your side," but the chances this will happen are slim. China just played a trump card in the chip war. Are more export curbs While its rare that Id advocate shutting out someone, there are times when peer pressure can help make a point in a way that a direct confrontation cannot. Narcissism, defined as a personality disorder by the National Institutes of Health, is a pattern of behaviors that show a pervasive need for attention and admiration, as well as a lack of concern or empathy for others. Is there any way that you can avoid dealing with this person? Many people, when proven wrong in some area, will rather be dismissive of their mistake rather than acknowledging their error. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. In the case of shutting someone out, my take is this: in a group project, if the arrogant person has been approached with empathy (as my link how to find empathy for the office jerk advocates) and the person persists in behaving with an attitude of superiority, then it may be time to employ other methods. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 245,716 times. Because from my perspective, X occurred, and then Y followed it., No, thats not how that happened. Nobody can give you a feeling. This could result in some interesting answers, but more likely youve made them squirm uncomfortably since you pretty much said You are not superior to that other person.. No apologies, no nodding, no smiling. 02:55 - Source: CNN. That will all be incredibly valuable to your career going forwards. "Arguing online and in reality is important. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Is that reaction diminishing their respect for you and/or making them feel defensive or threatened in the workplace? The person may have a difficult time feeling okay with themselves, so they construct this reality around them that proves they are worthy to themselves. You can also try these tips: If they are gossiping about others in your group, ask them if they would like the topic of conversation to be changed or redirected. Due to having been able to demonstrate a good understanding of the technology we use, I have been assigned some rather abstract/advanced tasks for our current project, which nobody in my team (not even my team lead) has experience in. For example, your coworker explains a procedure to you. An arrogant person is more likely to single out a group of people by race, sexual orientation, education, etc. This language actually allows the arrogant person a way out, by saying that no of course they did not mean to sound rude. | Contact Nathalie, young pup employee is a bit of an entitled jerk, Why The Latest Leadership Trend Can Actually HURT Your Professional Growth, The #1 Thing New Leaders Must Do To Take Over Teams Successfully, How Engineers (Unknowingly) Hold Themselves Back As Leaders. Arrogant Personality Arrogance is the byproduct of unhealthy levels of pride and ego. Either leave the argument if the person refuses to acknowledge mistakes ("It doesn't matter", "Whatever, that's my opinion. It is entirely possible that you will have no impact whatsoever on the arrogant person though. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. Transfer of knowledge is part of his job. How to Deal With an Arrogant Coworker at Your Job - Lancerbee Students are permitted to take classes that have limited overlaps in time with the permission of faculty and if they complete the form below. "Yeah - I know what you're thinking - but hear me out, I tried to do this 'the right way'" I'm sorry, I've been in both roles as the learner and the expert, and there is zero excuse for calling someone a dummy or abusing them. Be detached in your approach, and stick to the facts of the incident. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. Be nice and respectful to the other person. Assume that, like a lot of programmers, they hate context switching, face-to-face meetings, and dealing with people in general. Your response to an arrogant person is also a reflection of your integrity as a person. Calling out every lie is going to get really exhausting, really quickly. Senior me interprets it as a funny, dramatic way of asking for clarification. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. Soft skills are absolutely key. Why do oscilloscopes list max bandwidth separate from sample rate? Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. This is just a good practice in general, even with people who arent arrogant. And even though arrogant people can be annoying or destructive, its good to try to remember the human when interacting with them. 3. This comeback is intended to put an end to their hateful words, but then again, arrogant people like to hear themselves talk so you might need to be more obvious about it with this next one. Pick any code base and it is rare that any two programmers will agree that the code is what they would have written. One colleague of mine had a young employee in her division that the entire extended management team was lobbying to terminate because of the employees snarky millennial attitude (i.e. Instead, do it through email, so you have a written record as evidence should they try to throw you under the bus or take credit for your work. Yes, considerate conversation about the issue is definitely the place to start (always!) What changes in the formal status of Russia's Baltic Fleet once Sweden joins NATO? Nothing is more frustrating than when you are at the verge of solving a complex problem and someone interrupts. According to Forbes, sarcastic know-it-alls are often motivated by a desire to get ahead at the expense of others. 6. At the same time, never forget to recognize his knowledge and to state how much you would appreciate to learn from him. Use tact to get your point across. In any case, it does not matter, make your voice assertive, do no let anyone treat you like rubbish. I was incredibly self-conscious, and felt like I was inferior. So try not to ask any. communication - How to deal with an arrogant superior? - The Workplace He often finds and scolds you for minor things in your code, that he would've done better, although they are done after company issued coding guidelines. An arrogant person will often try to dominate a conversation to help fuel the perception of reality they have created for themselves. This will typically throw the person off their own game because they are looking for a specific reaction of hostility out of you. Gather Evidence. How to say arrogant. Replacing Light in Photosynthesis with Electric Energy. Stack Exchange network consists of 182 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. This article has been viewed 245,716 times. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. Everything you learn, and learn about how to learn. I never knew that trick.". They can be patronizing and critical of others but unwilling or unable to accept criticism or disagreement. And if they're anything like me, if they can see that you're doing everything you can to minimise disruptions to their actual work, and to get yourself up to speed as quickly as possible, they'll stop resenting your interruptions, and might even enjoy helping someone who will take their experience and insight and actually do something useful with it. Well, if theyre hurting feelings, be they yours or someone elses, call it like you see it. How to deal with a colleague who is making complaints? Talk to a trusted friend or loved one and tell them what's. 2. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. The dynamics of the workforce have changed, and narcissist personality-type employees or managers are standing out more than ever, creating more problems than their boss and HR can handle. Arrogant people can be tiresome to talk to. Recognizing the problem, Ritala, former president of the IT Service Management Forum &ndash US, teamed up with management consulting partner Gerald Falkowski to write a booklet for IT managers called Narcissism in the Workplace (Red Swan Publishing USA, Sept. 2007). Receiving a copy of your request should not be the first time they are hearing about it!! Arrogant people believe themselves to be better than another person, so lets have them explain why we should treat them differently. The types of behavior people turned their cheek to in the past, they're now less willing to. The problem is a bit more complicated when its a family member or someone you have to work with. The best way to handle this is with friendliness and diplomacy. 1. Sarcasm can be insidious when done in a way that can make it seem reasonable. She is the past Chair of the California State Bar Alternative Dispute Resolution Committee, served as the President of the Association for Dispute Resolution of Northern California (formerly NCMA), and was a member of the Board of Directors for the Mediation Society of San Francisco. I tried to avoid him ever since, and ask other senior developers with a less hostile demeanor, but I'm still often redirected to him. Tip Avoid taking things personally when dealing with a bossy coworker. They may not even realize how their behavior comes across or how its working against their goals. What exactly do we mean? An Argument from Silence fallacy is the idea that because there is no evidence for something, it must not exist. They are likely to just make things up so they can continue feeding their need to be the center of attention or making themselves look good. @DaveG Context matters. and talk about negative stereotypes. If you are in an individual contributor role (and you have no leverage with this person), you will need to use considerable interpersonal skills to "deal with" an arrogant co-worker. Sometimes its best to back off and let them retreat if thats what they choose. The type of person you describe are, alas, plentiful in IT. If Im applying for an Australian ETA, but Ive been convicted as a minor once or twice and it got expunged, do I put yes Ive been convicted? Jack is an activist who is passionate about helping disadvantaged people find a better path. Movie in which space travellers are tricked into living in a simulation. Then you start asking questions and looking for the facts about the situation. You're one of the most generous people that I know. I think you're seeing it more now in IT because IT has become more focused on relationship-building and nurturing relationships. What happens if a student is not able to get a seat in a course? The young employee was genuinely shocked she was being perceived that way. How are the dry lake runways at Edwards AFB marked, and how are they maintained? Try your hardest to find an answer yourself. Remember to pick your battles though - some things just aren't worth arguing over! You may just end up looking like youre attacking the person, especially if they are a skilled manipulator and have other people convinced of their lies. It might not. Step 1. Does narcissism play out any differently within IT organizations versus other parts of a company? Youre the one that will need to deal with the repercussions if they choose to go on the offensive to protect the bubble theyve built around themselves. How to manage stress during a PhD, when your research project involves working with lab animals? Try this three-step approach to dealing with difficult people at the office : Identify the person that irks you. You can observe them, but not to in lude your emotion to your observations. This is helpful to anybody who is in an argument, and will help them. You know why? So, the suggestions probably dont make a lot of sense for employee-to-team leader interactions. Before you instantly assume your employee is wrong and blatantly disrespecting you, consider that showing respect may look differently to each of you. It might solve it. Remain calm and professional. You are not stealing his time, he is paid to help you. Here are my thoughts in response to your questions: This post is written from the viewpoint of peer-to-peer interactions someone trying to deal with an arrogant peer. Approach every interaction with a senior as an opportunity to grow and learn. or "You don't know XYZ?" Jack Nollan is a person who has lived with Bipolar Disorder and Bipolar-depression for almost 30 years now. How to deal with arrogant people in college classes - Quora No matter where you work, at some point you are likely to encounter a difficult coworker. Starting the Prompt Design Site: A New Home in our Stack Exchange Neighborhood. Look, lets be honest here: Even the strongest, most honorable leaders have behaviors their egos react to. Try not to have verbal communications with the person about whatever youre working on. How To Use Coaching Tactics With Arrogant Employees - Forbes My team lead has advised me to direct any questions to a very experienced senior developer from another department. Thanks for comments. Treat them the way that you would want to be treated. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Put yourself in the arrogant person's shoes. Born out of a passion for self-development, A Conscious Rethink is the brainchild of Steve Phillips-Waller. For example, God/germs/evolution/aliens do not exist because we have never physically witnessed them. Keep your distance. The true expert knows his subject matter. If you can spend hours of work, research, consulting the internet, trial and error etc. Don't immediately dismiss their ideas just because they don't agree with you. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. Some things are just preference and style. Demonstrate that work: Engage in a meaningful and transparent conversation in order to uncover the root cause of their perceived . Answer (1 of 2): You do not have to deal deal with it. Arrogance at Work - How Should You Handle It? - People Equation Do you worry they'll outshine you or steal your idea? Let the employee know that their behavior is not acceptable and that it needs to stop. Five Ways to Deal With Rudeness in the Workplace Being vulnerable and admitting you were wrong is always better than blaming, shaming, judging, or criticizing the other person. For more information see our. I kept finding myself put in situations where I had to work with this senior developer. How to deal with a dismissive, disrespectful and arrogant employee Overlooking a lousy or arrogant attitude in a few employees just isnt acceptable for any company that hopes to create a healthy, inclusive culture for all of its employees. It's important to make sure that the senior dev understands that this comes from higher up the food chain than you. When I was starting out, my mentor would call me "big dummy" on a regular basis. I had to fire it. The working against you is the difficult part. 8 Tips For Dealing With A Know-It-All Coworker - Forbes Working Effectively with Indians: 12 Things You Need To Know - LinkedIn Reacting poorly to a person's arrogance won't change anything about it. Most people cannot agree on these topics. If your boss has started to lose his temper with you, or is trying to guilt-trip you, firmly explain that you're not comfortable with this. Knowing this is important because when you push up against that reality or try to test it, you will usually evoke an angry response. Assume that people have the best intentions, not the worst. For example, "I know you really, really want to help people. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. First, let's talk about you. The interviewer may want to see if you can maintain a calm and composed demeanour throughout and handle the situation patiently. The Workplace Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for members of the workforce navigating the professional setting. Arrogant people often have problems with their self-worth, so they construct this fictional reality around themselves to convince themselves they are better than they are. Well-spoken, charismatic and successful, he could also be manipulative and bullying, telling her that it was "his way or the highway.". He expected me to care about my work. Junior me would have interpreted that initial question as a judgement. We want to help our community find and shine their inner light the truth of love, light, and positivity that is within us all! Make the bragger know your type. Curriculum Support Specialist: Shirley Cronin, 520 North Main Street Meadville, PA 16335, Fall 2023 Course Descriptions and Information Not on Self Service, Policy, Technology, Analytics, and Management, Guidelines for Appealing Academic Suspension or Dismissal, How the Curriculum Committee Evaluates and Offers Feedback on Course Descriptions/Program Proposals and Revisions, Distribution Requirements: Learning Outcomes, Faculty Resources Registrar Quick Links, Student privacy information for parents & guardians. Let the employee know what is and is not acceptable behavior. The way to deal with this is to shift the conversation at a natural endpoint to a different topic altogether. And like an awful lot of work. This shocks them into the realization that their negative talk is not going to be tolerated, but is insulting to you personally as well. In technical fields such as finance and accounting, it is imperative that professionals continuously. I'm assuming this is your colleague you have a problem with, not your manager or your client. Seeing a discrepancy between your answer and the solution and thinking that the solution "obviously" is wrong is indeed arrogant, and not considering the possibility that you are wrong will get you into trouble even if you're not dealing with people. Our editors handpick the products that we feature. Student FERPA (Student Records Privacy) Form, Privacy Policy (FERPA) information for faculty & staff, Accessing FERPA Status Information (requires login), Allegheny College Board of Trustees Extends Appointment of President Ron Cole 87, Senior Allegheny College Student to Attend Harvard Universitys Graduate School of Education. But it's work that is ultimately for your benefit. You know them when you see them, and arrogant people with their snotty attitude can negatively affect your day unless youre armed with one or more of these 9 comebacks. Jessica Notini is a Negotiation and Mediation Coach practicing in California and internationally in many Latin countries. Eventually the narcissist is caught in action enough times that he is fired, but this does nothing to change his behavior or protect the organization from other narcissists. Arrogant and self-centered, they expect special treatment and privileges. Thats because they obviously think highly of themselves in spite of the evidence of their meanness. Research it. In fact, what I found during my career was that the people who really were the experts usually were good explainers who didn't mind sharing knowledge. Hong Kong CNN . It appears as if he really hates dealing with 'low-level' programmers. Being able to do this is, however, a result of personal growth, and as such not as easily done as said. Student Records Coordinator: Pam Shreve If so, it would be good if you edited to make that clear. If you think of a question then write it down. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. She was recognized for her leadership and years of dedication with the California Dispute Resolution Councils 2012 Don Weckstein Award. That's on you. He only explains solutions from his level of experience and appears frustrated when somebody doesn't understand immediately. But it also makes it clear that you refuse to play their game of belittling others. Invite the other person to talk, and be really interested in them and what they have to say. I learned far more from the guy who called me "big dummy" than the "nice" ones who shared nothing. If he has something valuable to say, listen carefully. . I know you've got your own things to work on, but [team lead] asked me to consult with you so that we can keep our project on schedule. We hope that they can realize that they made a negative statement that is being called into question, and will stop once they have been called out on their behavior. How to Confront a Bully at Work - Harvard Business Review Basically, I came out of every interaction feeling like an idiot who had just wasted his time. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. So, do an integrity check and make sure youre not looking for your younger reports to fail before they even do so, simply because youre chalking up their awkward behavior of one or two of them as proof the whole generation is deficient. By getting your coworker to first disagree with you, then to agree with you, she can feel that shes still in charge, but in reality, shes not. They may use your anger as a means to paint themselves as the victim so they can look good and maintain their facade.
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