introvert husband extrovert wife

Extroverts don't get their social fix by spending copious amounts of time with the same person constantly. And my alone time can include him without feeling exhausted. Learning about introversion was huge for understanding how I relate to people and what I need. I wish you a long and happy marriage! Filed Under: Encouragement, Family Tagged With: Encouragement, marriage, wife, Sarah Koontz {Grounded & Surrounded} says. Like, everyone. He wants you to have fun, laugh and enjoy yourself. Women enjoy intimate talks and yearn for one-on-one attention, whereas men are uncomfortable with deep emotions and thrive on large groups - right? Introverted Wife, Extroverted Husband: How to Have Shabbat Guests My husband can easily fit into any gathering. It can work. It's OK to have two different styles and "languages" when it comes to parenting. Of course, they never did, and it just made them wonder what was wrong with me. I am an extrovert and COMPLETELY understand your distress over this situation. Introverts feel feisty right now. This will be an ongoing, lifelong process. I was pretty oblivious since I spent most of my years getting used to the fact that I was noticeably different from almost everyone else. 5 Ways Introvert-Extrovert Couples Can Improve Communication His job is, for the most part, taking care of them. Both of your needs are important. I am married to a quiet introvert, during our 22 year marriage I havent always appreciated him! The husband is the extrovert and the wife is the introvert. So you can see why they occasionally have trouble understanding each others needs. Im an only child and we have little to no contact with my in-laws . You arent accusing her of cheating, youre hurt because she doesnt see the red flags and such from this, and is disregarding your feelings. It always feels better when we focus on how our differences actually compliment each other, and how we can continue to love each other as we are. In learning more about others, I actually find that most couples that I know are the opposite of us. Having d, 5 Tips On Handling the Holidays As a Blended Family, What God Wants to say to You When You Want to Give Up, Tomorrow Isnt Promised, So Well Love Each Other Today, Kathy Glow Kissing the Frog (Featured Writer of the Week), Dear Husband, I Fall In Love With You Again and Again, I Love My Wife Even When I Dont Feel Like it. However we dont understand each other and Sometimes Im deeply. Men are extroverts and woman are introverts. Over time, Smith and his wife learned more about what makes the other tick and were able to embrace their differences. When he tells me that this new friend of mine is to be held at arms length, I need to listen. Definition & Guide to Introversion. Then I realized, nope, thats actually just how he lived life. We are way more deep and complicated than a page-long summary of characteristics. 1. This is a guy known for making a friend while in the bathroom at a movie. Because extroverts get recharged by being around people, they . Actually, extraversion and introversion are personality traits, not gender traits. No longer was I the rude, cold, standoffish wife who was ruining their fun. Why does she feel that she needs to be in contact with those who obviously cause you distress? ", What you hear: "That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen. Once I stopped focusing on the little things that drive me batty (like his intense focus during projects or work) I learned to love and understand him much more and become grateful for him! I truly admire this about him, but Im often standing next to him thinking, does this person really want to talk? She reads, writes, and avoids small talk at all costs. Extroverts hear, process, answer and reflect (often all at the same time). Note: The last names of some respondents have been withheld to protect their privacy. Other times, he realizes Im in a place where being social and going out will actually hurt, and he agrees to staying home (or goes by himself) and gives me time to re-energize. And I know the answer. Learn to embrace the differences between you, not fight them. It is critical to our relationship that you acknowledge our need for solitude. When a person is an introvert and an extrovert, keeping both parties satisfied can be difficult. So is understanding our own motivations, perceptions, and needs. He likes adventure, and, well, Id rather go to the bookstore. My boyfriend and I just moved in together, and to my surprise he is an extreme introvert. Im sorry that I dont have an easy answer for you. Meanwhile, the introvert husband can provide balance and an understanding of the need for down time and a quieter atmosphere. 1. 10 Essential Tips for Introvert and Extrovert Relationship - Marriage.com And check out these other encouraging wives posts written by fellow blogging friends. And its important that my alone time be just as sacred on the schedule as his boys night out. Its what makes us a couple. The ones who are sandwiched between the idolized older sibling and the teeny tiny baby who stole everyones hearts. That should happen regardless of if someone's partner is an introvert or extrovert. I think it is because he is the male counterpart to me. For Introverts, Why Are Our Bedrooms Our Havens? The first big difference between introverts and extroverts is found in how they find mental and emotional rest. There IS one thing Ive noticed that is really surprising and awesome about being an introvert married to an extrovert. Were always welcoming new writers. Don't assume your kids don't know his affection for them just because he isn't singing it from the rooftops. I see small details, while he takes in the big picture. Marriage and love are a sacrifice. Other memories held disappointment and hurt of a friendship that simply had run its course. This is such a cool characteristic about him as an extrovert, he truly is great at connecting people. Married To An Introvert - Tips for Extroverts - Our Happy Hive Obviously, not knowing either of you, its hard to comment about your relationship. They know a lot about each other, but it wasnt until recently that he opened up about an opinion hed been keeping from her: After so many years together, he felt bad about how few friends she had. Be ready to compromise. 2. Extrovert married to an introvert : r/marriageadvice I am by no means anti-social: I have amazing friends and family that I absolutely adore. When it comes to being married to an introvert, all it takes is remembering that neither of you is the bad guy. Its a tricky place to be, thats for sure. She would likely believe in my career goals a little more if she understood that introverts often have a secondary personality of sorts that is used to succeed in those situations. But you can still see our posts by subscribing to our FREE weekly newsletter. When you see me now at the end of the day, the make-up that is left on my face is smeared. We thrive on being with others, love parties, and generally are happier when out and about. 5. I wasnt ready to quit him, though, and I knew our issues had a lot to do with my issues. He does balance me. So this adds up to extreme loneliness. When an introvert marries an extrovert - Send Network Because of this, the first few years of our marriage were really challenging. 1. For me, this is when the fun begins. He had a crush on me during most of grade 12. I would like to do anything to learn and continue to support him, but he is the one getting tired around an extrovert wife. I feel alone sometimes but I know he loves me. She, on the other hand, wanted to live in a crowded city and visit with lots and lots of people. OK, if it means a lot to you, I will go. Originally published on the authors blog. There are times when I dont want to do anything or go anywhere for a while, until I feel recharged, but thats not who my husband is. I like to be alone. 9 Signs You're In An Introvert-Extrovert Relationship Communication is the key to any relationship, but most especially in marriage. Its really that simple. I would become angry and resentful that he was naturally a people person, and I hated how he placed me in a position where I had to pretend to be a people person, too. Strangers, in particular. Large groups and social stimulation recharge extroverts; the quiet time to reflect recharges introverts. This post (and comments) brought tears to my eyes! If you're an extreme extrovert, you probably don't even know the meaning of "alone-time.". Savage has been married to her husband for more than two decades. I feel like hes so worth the effort of being the best partner I can be. Wow. I wish I could change it, but Ive also learned Im just created differently than he is. Copyright 2023 Introvert, Dear LLC | Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures Art by Yitzchok Schmukler. Sometimes, being in a mixed introvert-extrovert marriage means putting a little extra forethought into plans for the evening: If you know youll want to spend more time socializing at your friends housewarming party, take two cars or plan on calling a taxi or ride share for your spouse, OMalley said. For me, this causes me to stop and consider whats really important, for I want things done NOW, not later. One: for our own justification that we made an effort to complete a task; and two: to admit that we fell short of that task. He goes out a lot more often than I do. He is not-so-bubbly, tends to expects the worst, and is not very optimistic. First of all, I know for a fact my wife is an extrovert. He wanted to be sure that I fully knew what I was getting myself into (as he told me while on bended knee just before he asked the very-much-awaited big question.) When it came to my extroverted husband, I suddenly understood why I felt so anxious and mad when he invited people over without talking to me first. They can recognize his love and affection and don't need you to swoop in and proclaim it for him. Im bubbly, optimistic,and love fun. Please know that Im thinking of you and your wife and hope that you can come to an amicable solution that satisfies both of you!! Its really no big deal for me to spend a few minutes doing what he wants. Click here. Join the introvert revolution. Regardless of gender, introverts are defined as being concerned with their own thoughts and feelings, with extroverts being described as gregarious, and concerned with social excitement and interaction. Communication is SUPER important to be sure you both are on the same page. The old saying, "opposites attract," cannot be any more true than when applied to my husband and me. Youll get one email every Friday. Part of HuffPost News. I actually have to use words instead of assumptions to help him understand me better. Please do reply and let me know if any of these suggestions are helpful. Married To An Introvert - 11 Tips For Extroverts - Mello Woman This is not to say two extroverts cant have a great relationship, but it wouldnt work for us. My suggestion is to have a real, hard conversation with your wife. He takes everything with a grain of salt, while I dive deep. My husbands works nights (60 hour weeks) and commutes an hour one way. Hospitality Tips for the Introvert Wife with an Extrovert Husband It was delightful. He tries too. It doesn't take much effort to reach a compromise when you understand what your partner needs to function at their best. Its tricky. The thing is I dont suspect she is trying to hook back up in a physical way but she did admit to confiding in the 1 close male friend whom I did meet maybe twice in 25years. Even as a little child I liked to play alone, in my own little world in my head. Here are some examples of what I have asked him for: I realized its not fair to surprise people, especially the ones you love, with reactions that seem to come out of left field. Fine, Ill go if you really want me to. He wants to stay home, not go galavanting off hither and yon. Were different. Click here to get your copy of SENSITIVE. Oh, Ronda! I get a bit restless and he knows how to calm me down. Typically, whenever I hit the point of needing to recharge my energy, thats exactly when he wants to keep going. My husband forgets sometimes, but since Im clear about my boundaries, his feelings dont get hurt when I tell him to get lost until Im done. We say these words for two reasons. What do I do? Also, creating boundaries to make each other feel comfortable is huge. Fortunately, your extroverted spouse has no problem intervening. Being an extrovert married to an introvert does have its challenges. If so, how did he react (or not react?) One friend had to climb into the play tubes a few times to save her 22-month-old, but it was still worth every penny. There will be nights where I go to events with our friends while my more introverted wife chills out at home and gets caught up on her Netflix queue, he said. Its a great combination! , My extroverted wife always wondered how someone as introverted as I am can be successful at a career that requires a great deal of persuasive human interaction. Relationships are tough no matter what. It is not something to use as an excuse for bad behavior. Hes an extrovert, and Im an introvert. Brandon, Stacy has some guy she met online coming for Thanksgiving dinner. We embraced for the first time in my parents driveway. Why, why, must he leave piles of clothes scattered, the same way that the toddler does, right? We had to embrace the fact that it wasnt our similarities that brought us together. Introverts are thought to be shy, quiet, unsociable and often unfriendly. I will observe from my seat as my husband works the room, holding court, taking center stage, and making others laugh. Introverts hear, process, reflect, answer and reflect again. Its not that hes unconcerned, its that he sees this as a trivial thing. Im so glad you found what I wrote helpful!! To the Wife of an Introvert - Successful Homemakers But in my attempt to match his high, I was left drained and frustrated. Introverted personality and relationships go hand in hand. He assumed since it was good for him, it was good for me, too. or simply ask follow-up questions to keep him engaged in conversation in order to satisfy your extrovert desire for more. He revels in the spotlight, while I like to go unseen. How to deal with an introvert husband - FamilyToday Sometimes my husband would take it as rude when I would go to the car immediately after the event, but I just dont feel compelled to stay. I feel sheer panic when I think about being stuck in a place with people for a long period of time and not being able to escape into solitary. All rights reserved. I decided to start sharing some of it with him, especially the weird stuff, she said. While your feelings on going out tonight may seem perfectly transparent to you, your partner cant really know unless you tell them.. Share your needs and desires and allow him to do the same. People who are introverted and people who are extroverted can make an excellent pair. Instead of assuming that my husband should automatically know how Im feeling or what I need, I tell him. If I was an extrovert like my husband, we would 1) be totally broke, and 2) Im not sure we would ever actually be able to complete a conversation. Currently, they reside in Tennessee on a small (very small) grass-finished beef farm, where they also are joined by 4 miniature Dachshunds, and 8 chickens. My extrovert husband gets to Friday night and thinks, Its the weekend, who can we get together with? she explained, I, on the other hand, get to Friday and think to my introvert self, Im so glad its the weekend because I dont have to see any people until Sunday at church!. I am not a great wife, friend, daughter, anything, when I dont get alone time. They need to realize that if they decide to stay in their comfort zones, the relationship might not work out. The rest of my family craves alone time. Part of HuffPost Relationships. And also, why does being an introvert seem so much worse and less socially acceptable than being an extrovert in our culture? 3) Learn to love the things that fill your partner up emotionally. You just have to plan your strategy out in advance, he said. This book made me feel seen. Click here to get your copy of SENSITIVE. So I try. ", What he thinks he said: "You look amazing. But I need quiet time every week to decompress, mentally process all that Ive taken in and replenish my energy. , If Im quiet and or straight-faced, Im probably not mad: Im just people-watching. Hell be your sounding board for he loves to talk, but try not to include every little itty-bitty detail. I like to be alone. That is not the behavior of a social person. Are you bothering them? But can I just tell you how nervous and sweaty I get at these events? In fact, it is positive for your children, as it will allow them to embrace and understand their own type of personality. She would likely believe in my career goals a little more if she understood that introverts often have a secondary personality of sorts that is used to succeed in those situations. So, they must make sacrifices to allow each party to meet in the middle. When I first got married I thought I would need all this alone time, just me time, without him, and need it often. For my Honey, he is quite talkative. . It can be difficult to predict who is going to get the most energy out of their bodies because extroverts are energized by socializing and introverts are energized by solitude. 10 Signs You're an 'Extroverted' Introvert And we forgive each other and ourselves for sometimes not always doing things exactly right. com Its important to him, though, so I make a point of using my words instead of being happy with him inside my head. Vel eros amet amet mauris a habitasse scel erisque? If you ask them a yes or no question, you will get "yes" or "no" as your answer. Establish clear boundaries with your spouse. I remember once asking him, When do you slow down? a few intimate friends to lots of less-intense friendships. Throughout our marriage, I have come to learn just how different introverts and extroverts can be. Not only that, he loves to invite groups of people from different walks of life to the same social gathering (even though they may not personally know each other). Anyway our issue now has become this firm disagreement of the fact that I had discovered she has been in constant contact with a couple ex-boyfriends and 1 supposedly close male friend from the school she came from through text, calls, and social media. He doesnt care, he is just being his outgoing and friendly self. One leading scientist calls it the 'north and south of temperament.'". One of my parents is an introvertthe other is not. I have no clue how he knows what he knows, but hes always right. We dated for 16 months before he proposed. Those secondary personalities can effectively communicate with others, but they lack depth. Cody M. I wish my husband would understand that when we make plans, Im only mentally prepared to socialize with the people we originally made the plans with. Perhaps its a case of opposites attracting; the two personality types balance each other out. I can see why we may clash at times but we also later understand each other. The catch is, he has to respect my ask. We now have a saying that we use. They will attend parties, but are usually ready to leave much sooner than we are. Yep, real people, thats us!! I see it as a huge difference in opinion. Time alone / Time with others. Not talking!!! Dont try to control or change your husband, for that only leads to heartache. They need a little extra love from time to time. Im a lucky woman to have a husband who genuinely wants to be with me and wants me included in all parts of his life. It seemed with that one single message, a flood of memories surfaced. Me, in my happy-go-lucky optimist place, thinks that all people are just as they appear, and dont hide behind facades. His desire is to work at home, but he has a job in town. I kept my head down and tried my best to stay invisible, meaning, I missed him making eyes at me. I gather strength from solitude: reading, hiking by myself or going for long drives. It would make him happy, and I want to make him happy, so why dont I just do it? What about your children? My husband loves to run, bike, and be outside, and I struggled with the time this took away from time together when we were first married (like I described in this post on . The very last thing he wants to do on his days off is to go town for any reason. How we identity among the types and note that you may be a somewhere-in-the-middle ambivert is integral to the way we inhabit the world and show love, said Arnie Kozak, a psychotherapist and the author of The Awakened Introvert. Truly. You're selectively social. If youd rather, feel free to e-mail me at laurie @ successfulhomemakers. It can be very hurtful when our beloved confides in others, especially when its the opposite sex. Tips, encouragement, and community to help you be a successful homemaker. It was our differences that attracted us to one another in the first place. I would be the first baby they brought home to their new house, joining my older sister. When couples in mixed relationships feel frustrated by their differences, Dembling suggests thinking about specific benefits those differences bring to their lives. He likes to know what to expect, and what is expected of him. He wont gush over you, make a big deal out of little things, swoon over you, or any of the other romantic things you may do for him (and want him to do for you.) Don't hold back and sit quietly next to him while sulking. But often, you get the last of me. Get our Husband & Wife 30-day Devotional book set:https://shop.marriageaftergod.com/products/husband-and-wife-after-god-devotional-bundleListen On Itunes: ht. Cristel Romero is a wife and mother to three sons. What Introverts Married to Extroverts Need to Know Actually, extraversion and introversion are personality traits, not gender traits. hating small talk in the lunchroom at work, How to Make an Introvert-Extrovert Relationship Work (Without Killing Each Other). Make quick decisions and act upon thoughts quickly. Im not a shy or quiet person, but I do get energized by being alone. Kelli Bachara is a wife and mom to two sweet kiddos. He cant stand it. I am a mother and wife from Charleston, SC. My hair is more than likely in a ponytail or some rats nest on the top of my head. Don't blame him for being himself, and never stop being yourself. And yet, somehow, she does!. 'Her View From Home' is the Registered Trademark of Her View From Home, LLC, "My own picture-perfect plan has crumbledmarrie, "There will be times when Ill desperately ask y, Do you know whats normal, Mama? This may come from his childhood, where he really had no control, but he absolutely loves routine. Your husband has a different connection to the kids than you do. I often beg my husband to go to events hes interested in without me, and I am 100 percent okay with that. Relationships are hard work. I wanted to live in the quiet countryside and spend one-on-one time with her. I admired his confidence and ability to sway the room, while he admired my attention to detail and ability to read people well. Hes not thinking about me, what were doing this weekend, or anything but work. What if that pile of laundry is a gift in disguise from a God you cant (yet) see? You rely on your spouse to rescue you from drawn-out conversations at parties. We are hugely different people united by our common interests and the life we have created together. I think its important to note that no one should be defined entirely by four letters. Consider how you both feel, especially when it comes to social activities, stimulation and quiet time. If so, could you strike up a friendship with their Mamas? Is it really bad to be an introvert? Sometimes he doesnt want to talk much and I love to communicate. How do you meet the desires of both peoples? They have always been a homeschooling, homesteading family, and love being together. I havent met too many extroverted wives married to introverted husbands. When he wants something, he goes right after it. Self-awareness has played a huge part in making our relationship better. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Youll get one email every Friday. Our youngest child and I are the extroverts. The message notification pinged on my phone. You may make plans to stay for a set amount of time, then assess how you both feel throughout the night.. Or visit the library during the day, thats when homeschoolers tend to be there. That was a blow-out fight for us. U know we dont invite anyone in our space for hours unless we really like u. You know you're dating an extrovert if they exude the following characteristics : Prefer verbal communication over other forms. He goes out a lot more often than I do. A proper compromise is a win-win situation, or at least a neutral-win. So in my logical, analytical way, I started really thinking about how we could move forward together, instead of endless hurt feelings and cold shoulders. 2. Researchers estimate that introverts make up 26 - 50% of the population. This way I dont feel like Im forced to stay too long, and he doesnt feel forced to leave too soon. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Welcome to Successful Homemakers! I believe we are called to step out of our comfort zone sometimes to make our spouses feel loved and to meet their needs. Let me be clear: The guy loves people! Yes, I want to stay home and read again. Or to lay in bed together and read books. The exs, all I have to go on is messages back and forth to each other on social media which didnt seem to include anything obvious in terms of wanting to cheat on me. They need you more than you know. How to Stay Married to an Extrovert When Youre an Introvert, Heres the Love Language of Each Introverted Myers-Briggs Type, 15 Survival Tips for Introverted Parents of Young Kids, What Is an Introvert? Observe both verbal and nonverbal cues. However, the moment I embraced my introversion, I found that others could also accept who I am but only if I owned it proudly. Your husband relies on you the way a child relies on their mother. Small talk is not our cup of tea. Instead I wanted a mind-reader who knew what I wanted or else. Introverts appreciated the energy and social life extroverts brought to their lives, she said.
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