my husband makes me depressed islam

Get rid of all those hungry urges during fasts. Due to the fact that no relationship is perfect, yours may experience ups and downs. My husband would love me only when he needs me physically, else he wouldn't be bothered much about me and my kids. Depression & Islam: Can a Muslim Be Depressed? If a strong marriage is built on a foundation of love, sincerity, and faith, then nothing can sabotage it, and it is a testament to the greatness of Allah. Due to this, Duajoo offers you powerful duas to help you fulfill your request to keep your marriage from ending in divorce. Heaven lies at the feet of our mothers - this is the value of women in Islam - what is your husband doing? How to Deal with Depression, Anxiety, and Guilt. My husband makes me depressed Throwaway for obvious reasons. my husband starts to take some responsibility in the marriage. He knows Hadith and when I met him was going to study circles. Overcoming depression and anxiety with Islam - Faith in Allah "There is This will not make intimacy more pleasurable for him nor will it help you to rekindle those feelings. I painfully swallowed his words and continued with my search. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. remember a man who does not get angry is one of the best characters. dot. This could be over anything, I may have expressed an opinion he doesn't share, or an emotion other than happiness or because I have tried to communicate with him over any issues such as speaking to me disrespectfully infront of his familyI have been married for a few months and have known my husband for a few years prior to this. I feel so sad and hopeless. Unfortunately I feel this has also negatively influenced me and I am not so regular in my prayers anymore :(. And at their worst, toxic or abusive relationships can lead to suicide ideation, according to a 2016 study in the Journal of Affective Disorders. Intimacy should be enjoyable, not a chore. It is rooted in a sense of sheer helplessness where you feel like nothing is in your control. What a trap! 10 November, 2021 Q Assalamualaikkum. My words only fell on deaf ears. And when night falls, they both pray to Allah, their Lord, saying, If You should give us a good (child), we will surely be among the grateful (7:189). Where is your own family in all this? Gently let him know that your parents have rights over you and you need to spend more time with your mother. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Guess Who? failure to achieve the goals and purposes that were originally set forth in marriage. I have been spreading lies about my father, saying he abused me.how do I repent? First, as expected, came an Arab male . The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Ensure emotional closeness. I have been married for a few months and have known my husband for a few years prior to this. en Question I married about ten years ago, and have two children. I want to marry out of love but my father is super stubborn, Forced to marry my first cousin, but I loved another man. What is the secret to a happy marriage in Islam? I found myself putting all my trust and faith in The Divine, who I knew would not forsake me. But if youre fantasizing about leaving your partner, trust that instinct. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. Responsibility disclaimer and privacy policy | Site Map. He said I am always miserable but can't see that it's his treatment of me that makes me so depressed, he says it's because I'm a miserable and weak person. The duas well be sharing with you are duas for marital issues, duas to mend broken marriages, duas to fortify marriages, and duas to foster more love between husband and wife. In the words of the Prophet (peace be upon him), Marriage is my precept and practice. But within me I am feeling very depressed and as if I am losing everything. OP: Ever since we have been married my husband treats me badly, he shouts and swears and loses his anger. Watch a movie together while cuddling; make biryani together as a team or any other idea that comes to mind for you. He was abusive verbally and physically and she tolerated it it for years didn't tell her family, until one day she was beaten up so badly by him that she wasn't able to move and had no choice but to call for help. My sins have made me depressed | IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice They would also receive guidance from this dua on how to confront and resolve issues. Listen closely: you are not to blame. Then, begin reading the wazifas that are described in the paragraphs that follow. Keep cool and calm, note eveyrhing he does and says, and then find a solution logically rather than emotionally. Set aside a few hours of your day if you and your spouse both have jobs to spend time together. I was no longer was suffering, screaming like a crazy person to be heard, and the constant blazing rows also came to an end. Required fields are marked *. Dont try to force intimacy, instead work on reigniting your desire. I empathise with you. Use I statements to avoid blaming others when expressing your emotions. The miracle was a moment of a mind-blowing insight. Your dad did not only do wrong by . You dont need to be in a large classroom to educate yourself for Allahs pleasure, and IOU did a fantastic job of that. Some actions you took (or didn't take), some words you spoke, some treatment of your spouse. Hence, sadness is not a sign of weakness in any form. Like women with depression, men with depression may: Feel sad, hopeless or empty. My husband has anger and all and is also very arrogant when I try to explain certain aspects of Islam to him and does not listen to me but calls me an arrogant person and tells me that I believe I am a prophet and can decide who's going to heaven. There are many reasons why your husband treats you poorly and gets angry with you for no reason. Ask him to try engaging in more foreplay to help bring back feelings of desire. A 2001 review in Psychological Bulletin found that relationships have "direct influences on cardiovascular, endocrine, immune, neurosensory, and other physiological mechanisms." Gather for worship. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. What country you live in? Surrender your attempts to control your life, leave it up to Allah (SWT), and trust His plan for you. (1) But just because Allah gave us the ability to get married, that does not automatically mean that it is simple. Make sincere duaa. In front of your greatness, Ar-Raoof, I admit that I am meek and humble, and I beg you to heed my dua to keep my marriage from dissolving and to stand by me. He has told me over and over that I am worthless and weak, that I'm not a proper wife and he regrets marrying me.. Depression is majorly defined by a sense of hopelessness- in yourself and in the world around you. He will never change. Even if the suffering feels endless and you feel yourself getting exhausted from the weight of it all, do not lose hope- for there is ease and something even better waiting for you right around the corner. I found myself putting all my trust and faith in The Divine, who I knew would not forsake me. Find out the cause of his alienation and/or unruly behavior. I realised at that moment that my happiness was never going to come from my husband as I had been led to believe all these years. I found a wealth of information that offered practical advice, tools, and techniques in how to speak to your husband and how to work on yourself, however putting all this into practice was not that easy and unfortunately brought no change. The way that I had been thinking before was that it was my husbands behaviour that had been making me upset, angry and frustrated and only if he changed his behaviour then I would give myself permission to feel happy. How can the husband-wife relationship be strengthened in Islam? My next solution was deciding to turn to my friends and family. Some of these reasons have to do with underlying mental and physical issues that are not being addressed, while other factors are environmental. It means he has been given a responsibility. To experience sadness is to be human. Al-Waali, I constantly consider ways to resolve conflicts and disagreements in our marital relationship because I believe s/he is the ideal partner for me. How I Saved My Marriage Without Waiting For My Husband To Change He is treating you badly, and you deserve better. Because spouses dont spend enough time with each other and their families, many marriages suffer. Remain patient at all times. Let them know what you believe is hurting your mental health, and pay attention to their response. If you fear he is not capable of doing this, seek out a mediator such as a family friend, Imam or a marriage counselor. You are human after all. I know atheists who have better characters and etiquette. dot. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. My sins have made me depressed. This is sinful! There are two types of divorce recognized by Islamic law: revocable (raji) and irrevocable (bain). My efforts however still seem to fall in vain. A depressed spouse who is normally stoic may start crying for no apparent reason or an emotionally demonstrative partner could become apathetic. Now, you might be wondering, what on earth is the Ill be happy when trap? I started to see more and more that my husband never had the power to affect me in any way. It is in Allahs (SWT) control. Ar-Raoof, You are the only source of peace and love for Your worshipers. A few good arguments are as follows: 1. abuse or torture that involves physical, mental, or emotional aspects. this is the most enjoyable part of marriage. What now? It's sad that ppl don't have family support. dot. Does your husband or wife seem to accuse you all the time? One of the most crucial recommendations for a happy marriage is effective communication between married couples. As a result, Duajoo offers you wazifa and dua suggestions that will enable you and your partner to resolve marital issues. An insight that not only transformed my marriage but my life in ways I never dreamed possible. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. When entering into a new relationship, were always on the lookout for red flags, like if a wanna-be suitor is controlling, complaining, or emotionally immature. . I Have No Feelings for My Husband | About Islam At this point I just make dua about him and that my children don't get too screwed up! All praise to Allah. Understand that in the fog of depression, human beings make bad decisions, say things they wish they hadn't and do things they never would. Contrarily, he does not have this right in divorces that cannot be undone. Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. According to sharia law, a wife may be granted a divorce if she can demonstrate that her husband had no sexual contact with her for a period of time longer than three months or if he fails to provide for her basic needs, such as food and shelter. Even though your parents and in-laws can be a tremendous source of support, you should put your stability as a couple first. Maybe your partner is wonderfully hunky dory, but your mental health is deteriorating. I felt so blessed for this awakening that I cried for days. My husband makes me depressed : r/breakingmom - Reddit As lifelong partners, husbands and wives should be aware of one anothers emotions without needing to constantly inquire about the others needs. more likely to show symptoms of depression, abusive relationships can lead to suicide ideation, doesn't have to signal the relationships end. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. The Quranic dua for marriage problems is very powerful in reviving a failing marriage. I agree with sister abshar - outwardly piety means nothing if your hollow inside. Depression and Marriage: Dealing with a Depressed Spouse - The Healthy It is of the utmost importance that people know the difference between sadness and depression; sadness is a typical human emotion and depression is a much more damaging and longer lasting condition of hopelessness, despair, and dejection. I began to secretly beg Allah to change my husbands ways and make him a better Muslim. She tries to make things right with her husband. Ask how your spouse is feeling and what they are thinking. Maintain positive relationships with family members, but avoid letting them compromise your union. Time spent together helps married couples become stronger. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Al-Ahad, May Your Holy Spirit remind him or her to respect me and refrain from berating me repeatedly by leading him or her to consider his or her faults and revealing things from Your Holy Light. Remind yourself that human responsibility is restricted within certain boundaries. I tell him, no..not right now, I'm cooking. Google and Amazon became my best friends. 20 June, 2021 Q Assalamulaikum sister. It meant nothing because that's not the real him it's a cover up. He is beneath you. I had done everything I could think of but nothing had worked. Practice being kind, efficient, and constructive when speaking with your spouse. They have no rights in you. failure to achieve the goals and purposes for which marriage was first established. Allah (swt) has given certain rights to the husband and wife, making both of you accountable to uphold your duties and promote a happy marital bond. Surely Allah could see how hard I was trying. Divorce him before you have children. Not to mention his family are 'pious' and work with renowned sheikhs and are in the media frequently - won't mention any names. It will only get worse. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". I couldn't imagine it. Keep a count your blessings journal if you want, where you can jot down a couple of things you are grateful for on a daily basis. I had been believing that I will only be happy when my husband starts to take some responsibility in the marriage. I need help and guidance on how I can overcome my issues. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. My husband has been depressed and unhappy lately and with that he's been full of anger. A muslim man with a good character will be religious and perform all his duties but its not necessary that a man who prayers will have a good character. It is a fancy way to say speak kindly to yourself and believe it. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. The couple can still get married again after the waiting period for a revocable divorce expires or after an irrevocable divorce. That includes any behavior that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound another person. I feel suicidal, but I know suicide is haram and Allah hates it. and I am so scared. I remember some members of my family siding with my husband and making me feel bad for questioning my husbands behaviour, I felt helpless and alone until Alhamdulillah they finally came to their senses. Furthermore, I felt instant joy, contentment, tranquillity, and bliss without having to wait for my husband to change (which he did!). This is tacking on deceit to an already sinful action. I threw myself in daily rituals of prayer, often waking up in the middle of the night and memorising The Holy Quran. Few women can just pack up and leave their marriages, and nobody can force a man to change. This happened to me. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Those women continue in their marriages because, culturally, they have no support from their families. You mention he lies to your family about why you are not visiting them. And frankly the advice everyone gave you is sound. Men like them enjoy having the women in their life under their thumb. This illness erodes emotional and sexual intimacy and suffuses a relationship with pessimism and resentment, anger and isolation, she explains. soo many women discard this, and go with attraction, chemistry despite how he is and this is how most end up. Pray to Allah in middle of the night and do Istakarah , why do I say this because 1. as we know the 3 of the night Allah come to the lower Janna and ask His Angels how is asking and the Angels will say so and so is asking than Allah says give them Insha'Allah May Allah grant you good , 2. Do you experience a sense of relief when your partner has left and youre on your own? Listen to your body and take care of it mentally and physically. I have the exact same thing. We tend to get lost in circumstantial sources of grief and pain and forget to notice our source of blessings. In order to maintain a healthy marriage, we have listed a few tips. He is not a man if he has to belittle a woman to try and satiate his ego. He got a private company, but my parents' expectation was a government job. When their turn comes, we publish. Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto in Ontario, Canada, explains the reasons for divorce as follows: There are legitimate situations where divorcing is the only choice. Physical, mental, or emotional abuse or torture are a few good examples. Mine is not even outwardly pious. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Abusive Father & Critical Husband: I'm Depressed | About Islam I wouldn't count on inlaws to be supportive of your needs, or see it your way. Both of you need to sit down and have an honest conversation without any raised voices or insults. You should leave him. The husbands failure to provide. Al-Muhyi, give me the discernment to . Experts Weigh In. All Right Reserved. Tonight it led to threats of murder because my crying was annoying him. Privacy Policy | Terms of Use |Store Terms | Copyright The Muslim Vibe 2021. Please send Your Holy Spirit to my husband or wife to help them think logically about the issues that have arisen in our relationship in order to prevent divorce due to marital issues. I prayed and prayed, hoping for a miracle from The Almighty. But that is the truth; nothing IS in your control. Go before you become too dependant on him, before you have kids and before he loses all control one day and beats you. How To Solve Marriage Problems In Islam - apersonalwedding.com I had been stuck in the , Now, you might be wondering, what on earth is the. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. However, soon into the marriage, we started to have problems. If it takes a month to get one's question posted how do we know that the issue is still an issue for the poster? The apple doesn't fall far from the tree! Neither you nor your husband should demand something of the other that causes hurt feelings or are beyond the marriages current capacity. My husband has completed hajj numerous times, he prays five times a day - never misses a prayer believe it or not. But make istikharrah first to seek guidance from Allah and make sure it is the right step. dot. Say it to yourself until you speak with confidence and really start to feel it. Tips on How to Deal with an Abusive Husband | About Islam But that is the truth; nothing IS in your control. 7 out of 10 times, The wife is just overreacting to a slight disappointment. I agree character is deeper than surface. Why would he not listen to what I had to say and understand how I felt? May Allah (swt) grant your marriage greater compassion, mercy and patience. I had been believing all this time that I will only be happy when my husband will give me some attention and starts listening to me. Previously, I had been waiting for my husband to do something before I could feel happy. That's abusive and I've been through the same kind of thing but he was much more subtle twisted about it, so I didn't even realise he was doing it. Express to him that you need to see your family more often and your parents have rights over both of you. By listening and responding to each other's needs, you and your partner . . The fact you wrote to us shows you want a better quality of life and are seeking counsel on how to make this happen. For the first time in years, my husband started to be attentive and listen to me more. It is a companionship for which Allah Himself has infused a desire in every human heart. She is also a revert who took her shahada in 2015, Alhamdulillah. He helps those who ask it of Him. For Muslims, marriage entails more than just joining two people who have similar passions and interests. 20 Signs Your Husband Is Controlling & What You Can Do - Choosing Therapy The strength of a believer is not that he remains strong by dwelling in denial or drowning in numbness, it is that he never loses hope despite all the pain and grief. It is advantageous on a larger scale as well as personally to maintain a healthy relationship. My husband and I have been married for four years. We were able to have meaningful conversations in a peaceful and loving way. Please dont blame yourself, his behaviour is not your fault. There seems to be no love from his side of marriage. The. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. There's a real connection between mental and physical health, adds Parker, so an unhealthy relationship can cause headaches, insomnia, or muscle pain just as easily as it can cause anxiety or depression. I started my marriage life hoping that we build a family, and that they treat me like their daughter and I will do the same. This dua will help you resolve any conflicts you may be having with your spouse. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.[Quran 30:21]. They are miserable, and they don't know how to tell anyone. Monique Hassan graduated with honors in 2012 with her BSc in Psychology and a minor in Biology and is certified in Crisis Prevention and Intervention. Really impressive work from Dr. Bilal Philips and his team. By now I was left feeling frustrated. Leave. I had been stuck in the Ill be happy when trap.. Dont forget about yourself. Copyright 2023 - apersonalwedding.com. He recently quit his job and has no motivation to find a new one. Robina Kauser. You cannot stay in that situation. "The foundations of a healthy relationship [should include] boundaries, verbal and. What is the Islamic dua for marital issues? For the first time in years, my husband started to be attentive and listen to me more. This an eye-opening insight into how one lady saved her marriage by taking ownership of her happiness. It can be over anything.. even as simple as the tea being too cold. It could feel uncomfortable, but you owe it to your partner to try to talk about it, Ryan adds. I'm of paki decent but my family is very much involved but i don't know how things are outside of my family. in most cases people who are like that soon escalates to domestic violence. I am scared for our future and for his mental health. Ameen. I felt helpless, exhausted and silently depressed. Verbal abuse is not acceptable and is extremely hurtful. He'd rather Listen to what others say than me. Surely, there must be something that would work. Ask if they know of a cause for the changes you see. Imaan does, however, equip us with the tools to combat depression and hopelessness. Salams, I am writing because I am so desperately lonely and sad. Let me explain. Being a dutiful daughter and friend, I followed their useful advice and put it all in practice, sadly, this did not seem to change my husband. We were able to have meaningful conversations in a peaceful and loving way. What now? They usually are not following what renowned shaykhs say but comes from their reading of Hadith and etc or their minds w/o proper knowledge of even Arabic. if he is like this now, how do you think he will be in a year or two time? If you are experiencing depression, consult a professional, she says. It is better to pray and read Quran together on a regular basis. But also I know someone who knew her husband since childhood - went to school together and then university. Here are some of the marital issues that many Muslim couples encounter, along with solutions. It will be easier for you to support your spouse in pursuing his or her goals if you are aware of their needs. They say never share your problems with your in-laws but, hey, I was desperate, so my second solution was to pour my heart out to mine. Salams, Triple repudiation or other similar statements that result in absolute divorces (talaq al-batta) are generally viewed by Sunni jurists as repugnant (makruh). Managing marital issues by being mindful of Allah is a crucial tip for a happy marriage. What is the Muslim marriage secret for a happy union? 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Even the sunniest, most capable partner . We can only control our actions and duties, not the outcomes. An insight that not only transformed my marriage but my life in ways I never dreamed possible. They show a different face before marriage - good character, a person of deen, great personality,'lots of respect and good looking. Al-Muhyi, give me the discernment to remain steadfast in my pursuit of preventing the dissolution of our marriage. . Communication is key to any successful relationship. Does he want to start a business? In Islam, abuse is not tolerated on any level. Marriage is a partnership; it is not possible for it to function happily unless both parties are giving it their best. I was determined to find a solution, whatever the cost. My Miserable Marriage Makes Me Depressed | About Islam Do not make yourself anxious over the unknown outcomes. I threw myself in daily rituals of prayer, often waking up in the middle of the night and memorising The Holy Quran. ", If youre focused on how they perceive you and how attractive you are to them, and less on your needs and whether youre actualizing them, that is a big red flag, Ryan says. Schedule a date you will visit and keep him to it. Focus instead on the "green flags," says Sarah Louise Ryan, a dating and relationships expert. Image rights belong to the respective owners. You should read the Quranic dua for marriage problems because it can help you prevent divorce or separation. I can't turn to his parents as they have blamed me in the past and say as a woman it's my responsibility to basically to keep quiet and put up with whatever he does. The Prayer of Need (Salat al-Hajah) or Istikhara? Why are you putting up with this? Your his Mrs and the least he can do if his got some sort of mental issues go and get help.. He didnt seem to care how I felt, which left me so broken. Nothing remains forever, not even hardships. According to Parker, this could be a sign that your partner is responsible for your decreased self-esteem, whether in a subtle way, like ignoring or gaslighting you, or more overt, like insulting you.
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